MY LIFE AS A PRODUCER... PART 1

Never in my wildest dream, have I imagined myself to be a concert producer...

It happened so fast I am still catching my breath, and pinching myself just to make sure I am not hallucinating or under the influence of alcohol. And yes… I am sober as ever. But I am getting dizzy over all the work and things to be done now that I am a producer.

Last year, I got addicted to watching several bands. Kamikazee… itchyworms… sandwich… and my super fave… sugarfree. After a while, I realized, everytime I bar hop and watch these bands, I get so excited, adrenaline rush talaga! When a thought suddenly pop into my head… why don’t I produce a concert featuring these bands? If I am so addicted to them, why don’t I make a living out of it. Its like hitting two birds with one stone right?

But along the way, I encounted HUGE problems. One, when I got to know the itchyworms and specifically Kerwin, their manager, and opened this wild idea to him, he just said… “mahirap maging producer”! I was hurt, it was as if someone rain on my parade, pop my big red balloon! Although I understood kerwin’s point, it came at a time that my writing career was at its lowest… when I am not enjoying what I am doing anymore… so I was kinda sensitive at that time.

Two, financial problem. When I asked Kerwin for his band’s rate, I got the shock of my life. How the hell will I be able to pay them. Pfftt! There goes my huge red balloon… The light bulb on my head just went black!!!

Although the idea of producing never left my mind. It lurks like a shadow from behind. And the more I think about it, the more exciting it becomes – to the point that I get sleepless nights thinking about it.

Until I had a coffee chat with a friend, Ambie… I sort of blurted the idea to her, and she didn’t laugh. Actually she liked the idea and it made me soooo happy. And from then on, she guided me in this new endeavor.

Sometime in January, I think it was the second week, another idea came into my head. I can still see the scenario…. I was lying on my bed, Ads was sleeping and snoring when it hit me! Bang!!! I like to do a post valentines event. Not for lovers – but for the single girls and boys out there who are alone and lonely during valentines. With a bonus fortune telling for all my single audience [thanks gretel for the inspiration]

I got so excited, that I remember myself hating ads for sleeping because I cannot share with him my idea. The next morning, I contacted a friend who’s into aura reading [ironically, she’s the same person who predicted that I would eventually venture into a business this year]. She liked the idea, recommended a bar where I can stage my event. I called up the bar, set up a meeting with the owner. The next day, I have a concept, a proposal letter, a fortune teller, a bar.

It was happening so fast I’m having palpitations. I also have 2 bands – which took me a while to confirm. One band is so hectic that its giving me a 2am sked. Another band is asking for a very huge amount for TF I cant afford it.

Until… words of wisdom from people who knew how to run this kind of business. I can push through with the event but I will have a hard time looking for sponsors. Usually, events like this are planned 2 months earlier. I only have 3 weeks! This time, the light bulb on top of my head, didn’t go black, it crushed into multiple pieces that I cried ouch!

I’m still up to the challenge… I thought at that time, my brilliant concept will make up for whatever little working time I have left. I got myself a name from DTI – CREATIVE JUICE. Processed all the papers needed, even if I have to wake up at 5am just to go to DTI [thanks again gretel, pardon my being zombie at that time, am not a morning person you know]. Two bands are already confirmed.

But the cold water that suddenly put off the fire and passion I am feeling for the project, was when I received a text from the owner of the bar, and he’s changing the bar fee, into a very huge amount that obviously I cannot afford.

Without a venue, I cannot push through with my event. Now, I am feeling all the pressure. Now, I have to get back to the bands, postpone my deal with them, inform my media partner of the postponement… on top of this I am dealing with a double episode in Homeboy – one is live the other one is scheduled as the last taping – I have only 3 hours of sleep – and now this terrible news. I am back to square one.

My biggest learning – never to trust people who show you a smiling face… no deal is closed until all contracts are signed!

I feel so down… but I won’t be stopped from this producing thing. I am serious, this is not a joke for me… by hook or by crook, I am pushing with this event.

Fast forward to February 10 – God is good… I have a new venue, far better than the venue I had before. My tickets will be out on feb 14. I have people reserving tickets now. I still don’t have a sponsor, but I am praying that they will soon come. My papers are all fixed.

My life as a concert producer… where is it heading… will this be a one-shot-deal for me… or will this be the new career I will be pursuing… abangan ang susunod na kabanata!

BIRTHDAY TRIP!

Nadagdagan na naman ng isang taon ang edad ko… at dahil parang “stagnant water” ang takbo ng buhay ko ngayon… wala masyado’ng movement, ni hindi ko alam kung saan na nga ako papunta – don’t get me wrong, di ako depress at wala naman ako’ng masyadong regrets… kaya lang, pagkatapos ng mahabang taon ng pagsusulat, ngayong di na mapigil ang paglaki nina Kristan at Soleil, what’s next for me? Yun ang di ko pa matumbok sa ngayon…

Gusto ko sanang isulat ang mga “learnings” ko sa buhay, dahil siyempre birthday ko nga di ba? Pero naisip ko na araw-araw may nangyayari… araw-araw may natutunan ako, araw-araw may mga pagbabago’ng pinagdaraanan, di ko yata kayang ikahon ang mga “learnings” ko sa buhay sa pamamagitan ng isang blog entry.

Learnings? Sige na nga… Simple lang naman yan… natutunan ko na huwag tumigil sa paggawa ng mga bagay na nagpapasaya sa akin! Kahit hindi maintindihan ng ibang tao bakit ko gusto yon! Pakialam naman nila sa nararamdaman ko di ba? J

Hmm… try ko nga I-share sa inyo ang mga natutunan ko sa buhay --- o subjective ito ha – di ko nire-recommend na sundan niyo!!! -- sa pamamagitan ng mga naging soundtrack ng buhay ko!

1. MAGNIFICA –in my elementary days, big fan ako ng VST
and Co., at ito ang fave song ko nila. Realization – hanggang
ngayon biggest crush ko pa rin si Vic Sotto!

2. TUYO NG DAMDAMIN – ng apo. In highschool, when everyone’s
getting gaga over Martin and Gary… I found myself falling in love with
the music of the APO. Di lang talaga ako pala-sunod sa uso!

4. TRIP TO JERUSALEM - Don’t listen to a word they say… they're
just trying to distract you, do your own thing stick with what you want.
Rebelde palaako! Walang pakialam sa mundo!

5. GIRL BE MINE, TORN, I DON’T WANNA WAIT, TIME AFTER
TIME ni tuck and patti – soundtrack ng lahat ng long drives at constant
out-of-town pagtakas! Na miss na miss ko na ngayon! Sarap talagang
gawin ang bawal. Hehehe!

6. WHAT CAN I DO ng corrs – blasting sa tenga ko habang sumusulat
ako ng isang mahabang tula sa buhangin ng Batangas. Kahit inanod na
ang mga titik at letra, hindi pala talaga madali makalimot!

7. LIFE ni des’ree, WISHING HEART & TRUTHFULLY ni lisa loeb,
SEVEN SISTERS ROAD ni meja, FAST CAR ni tracy chapman – songs
na umubos sa baterya ng walkman ko, minu-minuto kasing nakakabit
sa tenga ko! Songs na bagay isabay sa mantra ko noon… “I am a goddess…
I am invincible…”

8. SEARCHING MY SOUL TONIGHT – height ng pagka-addict ko sa
surreal na mundo ni Ally Mcbeal. Naaalala ko pa, na lahat ng sinasabi
noon ni Ally tungkol sa relasyon, bibliya para sa akin. Ayun, na-realize
ko rin, pareho lang kami na ngangailangan ng “shrink”!

9. HEALING ni barbie – awit para sa isang paglisan na wala ng balikan.

10. STARS at REBIRTH ni barbie pa rin. Para sa muling pagkabuhay ng
pag-asa.

11. at sa pagtanggap na hindi ako isang happy person. Marami akong
kailangang aminin at tanggapin… nahilig ako sa mga kantang
nagpapahayag ng galit! STONE IN MY SHOE ni alisha’s attic, LIFE’S A
BITCH, WHO WILL SAVE YOUR SOUL ni jewel, I NEVER LOVED YOU
ANYWAY ng corrs

12. LOS BANOS – ng sugarfree. Ang sarap balikan ng isang lugar na
kinalakihan, kung saan ka pamilyar at feeling mo safe na safe ka. At sa
akin, kung asan man ang mga bagets ko, yun ang safest at happiest place
on earth

13. KWENTUHAN - pagpapatunay na kung di kita makausap ng matino,
di ka puedeng maging close sa akin.

14. REUNION – ng sugarfree pa rin. Para sa mga kaibigan na di ko na
masyado’ng nakikita. Sarap balikan ng kahapon kapag kasama mo ang
mga kaibigang naging bahagi rin nun!

Di pa dito nagtatapos ang listahan na ito. Tiyak na may kababaliwan pa ako’ng kanta dahil bumabagay siya sa mga hinaing ng puso ko sa kasalukuyan.

Happy 5th Birthday Kristan!!!

Its Kristan’s 5^th birthday. Mas lalong tumatanda, mas lalong humihirap intindihin ang baby boy ko! Ang tigas ng ulo… kasing tigas ng mga pamalo’ng di niya iniinda kapag ipinapalo ko sa puwit niya. Hay naku… halata’ng sinusubukan niya ang pasensiya ko, lalo na kung habang pinapagalitan ay nakatitig lang na parang sinusukat kung gaano kalala ang galit ko, na kapag hindi naman malala, eh di siyempre alam niyang makakalusot siya. Mas lalong umiinit ang ulo ko, kapag nagpigil akong mamalo, at sinubukan ko siyang kausapin, pero imbes na sagutin ako ng matino, tumititig at parang pigil na tumatawa…

Kasi alam niya… kahit paluin ko siya, kahit I-threaten ko siya na di na kami pupunta sa SM, na hindi ko na siya igugoodnight kiss… alam niyang mahal ko siya. As early as now, nararamdaman niyang di ko kayang magalit ng totoo sa kanya… ganon naman ata lahat ng nanay… hay…

Sana lang… this is just a childhood phase that he is undergoing… sana hindi talaga siya lumaki’ng matigas ang ulo at rebelde. Sana, isa lang ito’ng pagsasabi na “nanay, cool ka lang! Huwag ka masyado nagagalit!”

Happy 5^th birthday Kristan!

BANDA RITO.... BANDA ROON

Bakit nga ba gusto’ng gusto ko ng banda? Di ko 100% masasagot kung bakit… meron lang akong mga assumptions.

Kasi, nakaka-identify ako sa mga kanta nila! Feel na feel ko ang SUGARFREE kapag pumipikit na si Ebe at bumabanat ng mga heartbreak songs. Sa unang album, para’ng themesong ko yung “telepono”! Nung na-depress ako, pakiramdam ko sa akin ang kanta’ng “Los Banos”. Eh siyempre para kay Ads ang kanta’ng “kwentuhan”. Feel ko rin ang mga kanta na parang tula ni BARBIE. Mala-stream of consciousness ang banat… astig!

Kasi, gusto ko ng maiingay at masasayang kanta! Panalo kapag ginamit na driving music! Sa highway, ang sarap ng banat ng SANDWICH, sumasabay sa pagkaripas ng kotse. Pero kapag traffic sa Metro, ITCHYWORMS at KAMIKAZEE ang the best!

Speaking of Kamikazee… trip ko rin ang panoorin sila ng live. Eh kasi, para’ng hitting two birds with one stone. Tripping na sa tawa, tripping pa sa music! Para na rin ako’ng nanood sa comedy bar… astig kasi ang audience rapport ni Jay… astig pa ang tugtugan!

Pero ang pinakamatinding rason kung bakit gusto ko ng banda…. Kapag hinubad nila ang ang rocker-snobbish mentalidad nila, totoong tao sila. Ganito ang ITCHYWORMS… nung minsang makakuwentuhan ko sila, in fairness ka-wavelength ko sila! Hehehe… groupie na nga ata ako nila eh!

Sana may banda din ako… hehehe… or at least may pumayag maki-jam ako sa kanila… sabi nga ng kanta… “libre lang mangarap, managinip ng gising!”
Kasi, nakaka-identify ako sa mga kanta nila! Feel na feel ko ang SUGARFREE kapag pumipikit na si Ebe at bumabanat ng mga heartbreak songs. Sa unang album, para’ng themesong ko yung “telepono”! Nung na-depress ako, pakiramdam ko sa akin ang kanta’ng “Los Banos”. Eh siyempre para kay Ads ang kanta’ng “kwentuhan”. Feel ko rin ang mga kanta na parang tula ni BARBIE. Mala-stream of consciousness ang banat… astig!

Kasi, gusto ko ng maiingay at masasayang kanta! Panalo kapag ginamit na driving music! Sa highway, ang sarap ng banat ng SANDWICH, sumasabay sa pagkaripas ng kotse. Pero kapag traffic sa Metro, ITCHYWORMS at KAMIKAZEE ang the best!

Speaking of Kamikazee… trip ko rin ang panoorin sila ng live. Eh kasi, para’ng hitting two birds with one stone. Tripping na sa tawa, tripping pa sa music! Para na rin ako’ng nanood sa comedy bar… astig kasi ang audience rapport ni Jay… astig pa ang tugtugan!

Pero ang pinakamatinding rason kung bakit gusto ko ng banda…. Kapag hinubad nila ang ang rocker-snobbish mentalidad nila, totoong tao sila. Ganito ang ITCHYWORMS… nung minsang makakuwentuhan ko sila, in fairness ka-wavelength ko sila! Hehehe… groupie na nga ata ako nila eh!

Sana may banda din ako… hehehe… or at least may pumayag maki-jam ako sa kanila… sabi nga ng kanta… “libre lang mangarap, managinip ng gising!”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOLEIL!!!

it’s officially august 19, 2006… exactly 6 years ago, around 2 am… I gave birth to my wonderful daughter… via lamaze [ouch!] the sunshine of my life… Soleil.

What a good daughter she has been…. Never given me any headache. Simple and funny. Always full of question. An echo, always repeating whatever I say… a replica… my mini ME.

But as I watch her sleep tonight, I feel extremely guilty. I’ve been a bad mother lately. My little sunshine has not been doing that well in school. She’s a bit slow. Sobrang dependent sa akin para maintindihan ang assignments at lessons. San ba nakakabili ng “patience” kailangan ko ng sangkatutak na pasensiya! Hindi kay Soleil… but in my inability to make her memorize things, pakiramdam ko hindi ako magaling na teacher! Everytime she makes her homework, she can’t do it all alone, she always seeks my approval. Everytime I give her a nod , she’s all ecstatic, she beams with confidence. But the very minute I castigate her dahil mali ang sagot niya, she clams up, becomes a crybaby… and ends up believing she’s dumb and can’t do anything right. She simply don’t know the answer… at hate na hate ko pag sinasabi niyang “di ko alam eh!”

My heart breaks… my heart is torn between giving in, hugging her, telling her its alright. She can still be a wonderful person when she grows up even if she can’t memorize all the provinces in the Philippines, even if she can’t arrange numbers from least to greatest. That she would still have a gazillion opportunities waiting for her in the future…. But still the teacher in me is shouting, she needs to learn, the hard way, if she wants to be prepared for the future. At this point I am confused… and frustrated…

And in the middle of this confusion and frustration, I feel I am becoming a monster mom--- a terror mom, who is so strict, yun bang napapraning na sa pagtuturo! That sometimes I ask, why can’t I just have an intelligent child? Why can’t my daughter just be a fast learner like her classmates? But why the hell am I comparing her with other kids. She’s different, she’s unique in her own way, its unfair to her, and I have no right, even if I am her mother! How dare me!

The biggest challenge I am undergoing now is the fact, my son is growing up to be the total opposite of my daughter. And I am afraid that one day, out of sheer frustration I would verbalize that “little boy” is better than “ate”. I won’t be able to forgive myself…

Although I am learning something… no one in this world can have all the luck… all the good things life has to offer. I have one slow child, and I have one fast learner. I am sure, the slow child would have other exceptional talents to compensate her being slow. I would patiently wait for it. And try to hone whatever her heart desires.

The greatest gift I am giving her today… on her 6^th birthday… is acceptance, 100% acceptance… na kahit hindi siya perpekto’ng estudyante… she’s perfect in my eyes. At kahit anong mangyari, I will be here to support and love her till the end!

Happy Birthday Soleil!

VIGAN 2005

VIGAN 2005... it was a very memorable journey as kristan and soleil had their very first road trip, that started in la union [where they had their first taste of sunbathing and beach swimming, kristan was sooo afraid of what he calls "laki alon" and had an ok time of just staying by the beach front and playing with the sand], the off to ilocos norte then ilocos sur then to tuguegarao.

but the BIGGEST punchline of the trip was the journey home where the entire family spent 1 full day, an entire 24 hours inside the crazy white 4x4... if you could only see the sleepy eyes of kristan and soleil and their soooo dirty clothes... oh what the heck, they won't remember the dirt, i'm sure they will remember the time well spent
with mom and dad :)

wake up si tantan... smile kahit antok...