tina_pie atbp

MY LIFE AS A PRODUCER... PART 1

2007-02-10T01:47:00.000-08:00

Never in my wildest dream, have I imagined myself to be a concert producer...

It happened so fast I am still catching my breath, and pinching myself just to make sure I am not hallucinating or under the influence of alcohol. And yes… I am sober as ever. But I am getting dizzy over all the work and things to be done now that I am a producer.

Last year, I got addicted to watching several bands. Kamikazee… itchyworms… sandwich… and my super fave… sugarfree. After a while, I realized, everytime I bar hop and watch these bands, I get so excited, adrenaline rush talaga! When a thought suddenly pop into my head… why don’t I produce a concert featuring these bands? If I am so addicted to them, why don’t I make a living out of it. Its like hitting two birds with one stone right?

But along the way, I encounted HUGE problems. One, when I got to know the itchyworms and specifically Kerwin, their manager, and opened this wild idea to him, he just said… “mahirap maging producer”! I was hurt, it was as if someone rain on my parade, pop my big red balloon! Although I understood kerwin’s point, it came at a time that my writing career was at its lowest… when I am not enjoying what I am doing anymore… so I was kinda sensitive at that time.

Two, financial problem. When I asked Kerwin for his band’s rate, I got the shock of my life. How the hell will I be able to pay them. Pfftt! There goes my huge red balloon… The light bulb on my head just went black!!!

Although the idea of producing never left my mind. It lurks like a shadow from behind. And the more I think about it, the more exciting it becomes – to the point that I get sleepless nights thinking about it.

Until I had a coffee chat with a friend, Ambie… I sort of blurted the idea to her, and she didn’t laugh. Actually she liked the idea and it made me soooo happy. And from then on, she guided me in this new endeavor.

Sometime in January, I think it was the second week, another idea came into my head. I can still see the scenario…. I was lying on my bed, Ads was sleeping and snoring when it hit me! Bang!!! I like to do a post valentines event. Not for lovers – but for the single girls and boys out there who are alone and lonely during valentines. With a bonus fortune telling for all my single audience [thanks gretel for the inspiration]

I got so excited, that I remember myself hating ads for sleeping because I cannot share with him my idea. The next morning, I contacted a friend who’s into aura reading [ironically, she’s the same person who predicted that I would eventually venture into a business this year]. She liked the idea, recommended a bar where I can stage my event. I called up the bar, set up a meeting with the owner. The next day, I have a concept, a proposal letter, a fortune teller, a bar.

It was happening so fast I’m having palpitations. I also have 2 bands – which took me a while to confirm. One band is so hectic that its giving me a 2am sked. Another band is asking for a very huge amount for TF I cant afford it.

Until… words of wisdom from people who knew how to run this kind of business. I can push through with the event but I will have a hard time looking for sponsors. Usually, events like this are planned 2 months earlier. I only have 3 weeks! This time, the light bulb on top of my head, didn’t go black, it crushed into multiple pieces that I cried ouch!

I’m still up to the challenge… I thought at that time, my brilliant concept will make up for whatever little working time I have left. I got myself a name from DTI – CREATIVE JUICE. Processed all the papers needed, even if I have to wake up at 5am just to go to DTI [thanks again gretel, pardon my being zombie at that time, am not a morning person you know]. Two bands are already confirmed.

But the cold water that suddenly put off the fire and passion I am feeling for the project, was when I received a text from the owner of the bar, and he’s changing the bar fee, into a very huge amount that obviously I cannot afford.

Without a venue, I cannot push through with my event. Now, I am feeling all the pressure. Now, I have to get back to the bands, postpone my deal with them, inform my media partner of the postponement… on top of this I am dealing with a double episode in Homeboy – one is live the other one is scheduled as the last taping – I have only 3 hours of sleep – and now this terrible news. I am back to square one.

My biggest learning – never to trust people who show you a smiling face… no deal is closed until all contracts are signed!

I feel so down… but I won’t be stopped from this producing thing. I am serious, this is not a joke for me… by hook or by crook, I am pushing with this event.

Fast forward to February 10 – God is good… I have a new venue, far better than the venue I had before. My tickets will be out on feb 14. I have people reserving tickets now. I still don’t have a sponsor, but I am praying that they will soon come. My papers are all fixed.

My life as a concert producer… where is it heading… will this be a one-shot-deal for me… or will this be the new career I will be pursuing… abangan ang susunod na kabanata!

BIRTHDAY TRIP!

2006-12-09T22:53:00.000-08:00

Nadagdagan na naman ng isang taon ang edad ko… at dahil parang “stagnant water” ang takbo ng buhay ko ngayon… wala masyado’ng movement, ni hindi ko alam kung saan na nga ako papunta – don’t get me wrong, di ako depress at wala naman ako’ng masyadong regrets… kaya lang, pagkatapos ng mahabang taon ng pagsusulat, ngayong di na mapigil ang paglaki nina Kristan at Soleil, what’s next for me? Yun ang di ko pa matumbok sa ngayon…

Gusto ko sanang isulat ang mga “learnings” ko sa buhay, dahil siyempre birthday ko nga di ba? Pero naisip ko na araw-araw may nangyayari… araw-araw may natutunan ako, araw-araw may mga pagbabago’ng pinagdaraanan, di ko yata kayang ikahon ang mga “learnings” ko sa buhay sa pamamagitan ng isang blog entry.

Learnings? Sige na nga… Simple lang naman yan… natutunan ko na huwag tumigil sa paggawa ng mga bagay na nagpapasaya sa akin! Kahit hindi maintindihan ng ibang tao bakit ko gusto yon! Pakialam naman nila sa nararamdaman ko di ba? J

Hmm… try ko nga I-share sa inyo ang mga natutunan ko sa buhay --- o subjective ito ha – di ko nire-recommend na sundan niyo!!! -- sa pamamagitan ng mga naging soundtrack ng buhay ko!

1. MAGNIFICA –in my elementary days, big fan ako ng VST
and Co., at ito ang fave song ko nila. Realization – hanggang
ngayon biggest crush ko pa rin si Vic Sotto!

2. TUYO NG DAMDAMIN – ng apo. In highschool, when everyone’s
getting gaga over Martin and Gary… I found myself falling in love with
the music of the APO. Di lang talaga ako pala-sunod sa uso!

4. TRIP TO JERUSALEM - Don’t listen to a word they say… they're
just trying to distract you, do your own thing stick with what you want.
Rebelde palaako! Walang pakialam sa mundo!

5. GIRL BE MINE, TORN, I DON’T WANNA WAIT, TIME AFTER
TIME ni tuck and patti – soundtrack ng lahat ng long drives at constant
out-of-town pagtakas! Na miss na miss ko na ngayon! Sarap talagang
gawin ang bawal. Hehehe!

6. WHAT CAN I DO ng corrs – blasting sa tenga ko habang sumusulat
ako ng isang mahabang tula sa buhangin ng Batangas. Kahit inanod na
ang mga titik at letra, hindi pala talaga madali makalimot!

7. LIFE ni des’ree, WISHING HEART & TRUTHFULLY ni lisa loeb,
SEVEN SISTERS ROAD ni meja, FAST CAR ni tracy chapman – songs
na umubos sa baterya ng walkman ko, minu-minuto kasing nakakabit
sa tenga ko! Songs na bagay isabay sa mantra ko noon… “I am a goddess…
I am invincible…”

8. SEARCHING MY SOUL TONIGHT – height ng pagka-addict ko sa
surreal na mundo ni Ally Mcbeal. Naaalala ko pa, na lahat ng sinasabi
noon ni Ally tungkol sa relasyon, bibliya para sa akin. Ayun, na-realize
ko rin, pareho lang kami na ngangailangan ng “shrink”!

9. HEALING ni barbie – awit para sa isang paglisan na wala ng balikan.

10. STARS at REBIRTH ni barbie pa rin. Para sa muling pagkabuhay ng
pag-asa.

11. at sa pagtanggap na hindi ako isang happy person. Marami akong
kailangang aminin at tanggapin… nahilig ako sa mga kantang
nagpapahayag ng galit! STONE IN MY SHOE ni alisha’s attic, LIFE’S A
BITCH, WHO WILL SAVE YOUR SOUL ni jewel, I NEVER LOVED YOU
ANYWAY ng corrs

12. LOS BANOS – ng sugarfree. Ang sarap balikan ng isang lugar na
kinalakihan, kung saan ka pamilyar at feeling mo safe na safe ka. At sa
akin, kung asan man ang mga bagets ko, yun ang safest at happiest place
on earth

13. KWENTUHAN - pagpapatunay na kung di kita makausap ng matino,
di ka puedeng maging close sa akin.

14. REUNION – ng sugarfree pa rin. Para sa mga kaibigan na di ko na
masyado’ng nakikita. Sarap balikan ng kahapon kapag kasama mo ang
mga kaibigang naging bahagi rin nun!

Di pa dito nagtatapos ang listahan na ito. Tiyak na may kababaliwan pa ako’ng kanta dahil bumabagay siya sa mga hinaing ng puso ko sa kasalukuyan.

Happy 5th Birthday Kristan!!!

2006-11-17T22:49:00.000-08:00

Its Kristan’s 5^th birthday. Mas lalong tumatanda, mas lalong humihirap intindihin ang baby boy ko! Ang tigas ng ulo… kasing tigas ng mga pamalo’ng di niya iniinda kapag ipinapalo ko sa puwit niya. Hay naku… halata’ng sinusubukan niya ang pasensiya ko, lalo na kung habang pinapagalitan ay nakatitig lang na parang sinusukat kung gaano kalala ang galit ko, na kapag hindi naman malala, eh di siyempre alam niyang makakalusot siya. Mas lalong umiinit ang ulo ko, kapag nagpigil akong mamalo, at sinubukan ko siyang kausapin, pero imbes na sagutin ako ng matino, tumititig at parang pigil na tumatawa…

Kasi alam niya… kahit paluin ko siya, kahit I-threaten ko siya na di na kami pupunta sa SM, na hindi ko na siya igugoodnight kiss… alam niyang mahal ko siya. As early as now, nararamdaman niyang di ko kayang magalit ng totoo sa kanya… ganon naman ata lahat ng nanay… hay…

Sana lang… this is just a childhood phase that he is undergoing… sana hindi talaga siya lumaki’ng matigas ang ulo at rebelde. Sana, isa lang ito’ng pagsasabi na “nanay, cool ka lang! Huwag ka masyado nagagalit!”

Happy 5^th birthday Kristan!

BANDA RITO.... BANDA ROON

2006-10-17T20:06:00.000-07:00

Bakit nga ba gusto’ng gusto ko ng banda? Di ko 100% masasagot kung bakit… meron lang akong mga assumptions.

Kasi, nakaka-identify ako sa mga kanta nila! Feel na feel ko ang SUGARFREE kapag pumipikit na si Ebe at bumabanat ng mga heartbreak songs. Sa unang album, para’ng themesong ko yung “telepono”! Nung na-depress ako, pakiramdam ko sa akin ang kanta’ng “Los Banos”. Eh siyempre para kay Ads ang kanta’ng “kwentuhan”. Feel ko rin ang mga kanta na parang tula ni BARBIE. Mala-stream of consciousness ang banat… astig!

Kasi, gusto ko ng maiingay at masasayang kanta! Panalo kapag ginamit na driving music! Sa highway, ang sarap ng banat ng SANDWICH, sumasabay sa pagkaripas ng kotse. Pero kapag traffic sa Metro, ITCHYWORMS at KAMIKAZEE ang the best!

Speaking of Kamikazee… trip ko rin ang panoorin sila ng live. Eh kasi, para’ng hitting two birds with one stone. Tripping na sa tawa, tripping pa sa music! Para na rin ako’ng nanood sa comedy bar… astig kasi ang audience rapport ni Jay… astig pa ang tugtugan!

Pero ang pinakamatinding rason kung bakit gusto ko ng banda…. Kapag hinubad nila ang ang rocker-snobbish mentalidad nila, totoong tao sila. Ganito ang ITCHYWORMS… nung minsang makakuwentuhan ko sila, in fairness ka-wavelength ko sila! Hehehe… groupie na nga ata ako nila eh!

Sana may banda din ako… hehehe… or at least may pumayag maki-jam ako sa kanila… sabi nga ng kanta… “libre lang mangarap, managinip ng gising!”
Kasi, nakaka-identify ako sa mga kanta nila! Feel na feel ko ang SUGARFREE kapag pumipikit na si Ebe at bumabanat ng mga heartbreak songs. Sa unang album, para’ng themesong ko yung “telepono”! Nung na-depress ako, pakiramdam ko sa akin ang kanta’ng “Los Banos”. Eh siyempre para kay Ads ang kanta’ng “kwentuhan”. Feel ko rin ang mga kanta na parang tula ni BARBIE. Mala-stream of consciousness ang banat… astig!

Kasi, gusto ko ng maiingay at masasayang kanta! Panalo kapag ginamit na driving music! Sa highway, ang sarap ng banat ng SANDWICH, sumasabay sa pagkaripas ng kotse. Pero kapag traffic sa Metro, ITCHYWORMS at KAMIKAZEE ang the best!

Speaking of Kamikazee… trip ko rin ang panoorin sila ng live. Eh kasi, para’ng hitting two birds with one stone. Tripping na sa tawa, tripping pa sa music! Para na rin ako’ng nanood sa comedy bar… astig kasi ang audience rapport ni Jay… astig pa ang tugtugan!

Pero ang pinakamatinding rason kung bakit gusto ko ng banda…. Kapag hinubad nila ang ang rocker-snobbish mentalidad nila, totoong tao sila. Ganito ang ITCHYWORMS… nung minsang makakuwentuhan ko sila, in fairness ka-wavelength ko sila! Hehehe… groupie na nga ata ako nila eh!

Sana may banda din ako… hehehe… or at least may pumayag maki-jam ako sa kanila… sabi nga ng kanta… “libre lang mangarap, managinip ng gising!”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SOLEIL!!!

2006-08-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

it’s officially august 19, 2006… exactly 6 years ago, around 2 am… I gave birth to my wonderful daughter… via lamaze [ouch!] the sunshine of my life… Soleil.

What a good daughter she has been…. Never given me any headache. Simple and funny. Always full of question. An echo, always repeating whatever I say… a replica… my mini ME.

But as I watch her sleep tonight, I feel extremely guilty. I’ve been a bad mother lately. My little sunshine has not been doing that well in school. She’s a bit slow. Sobrang dependent sa akin para maintindihan ang assignments at lessons. San ba nakakabili ng “patience” kailangan ko ng sangkatutak na pasensiya! Hindi kay Soleil… but in my inability to make her memorize things, pakiramdam ko hindi ako magaling na teacher! Everytime she makes her homework, she can’t do it all alone, she always seeks my approval. Everytime I give her a nod , she’s all ecstatic, she beams with confidence. But the very minute I castigate her dahil mali ang sagot niya, she clams up, becomes a crybaby… and ends up believing she’s dumb and can’t do anything right. She simply don’t know the answer… at hate na hate ko pag sinasabi niyang “di ko alam eh!”

My heart breaks… my heart is torn between giving in, hugging her, telling her its alright. She can still be a wonderful person when she grows up even if she can’t memorize all the provinces in the Philippines, even if she can’t arrange numbers from least to greatest. That she would still have a gazillion opportunities waiting for her in the future…. But still the teacher in me is shouting, she needs to learn, the hard way, if she wants to be prepared for the future. At this point I am confused… and frustrated…

And in the middle of this confusion and frustration, I feel I am becoming a monster mom--- a terror mom, who is so strict, yun bang napapraning na sa pagtuturo! That sometimes I ask, why can’t I just have an intelligent child? Why can’t my daughter just be a fast learner like her classmates? But why the hell am I comparing her with other kids. She’s different, she’s unique in her own way, its unfair to her, and I have no right, even if I am her mother! How dare me!

The biggest challenge I am undergoing now is the fact, my son is growing up to be the total opposite of my daughter. And I am afraid that one day, out of sheer frustration I would verbalize that “little boy” is better than “ate”. I won’t be able to forgive myself…

Although I am learning something… no one in this world can have all the luck… all the good things life has to offer. I have one slow child, and I have one fast learner. I am sure, the slow child would have other exceptional talents to compensate her being slow. I would patiently wait for it. And try to hone whatever her heart desires.

The greatest gift I am giving her today… on her 6^th birthday… is acceptance, 100% acceptance… na kahit hindi siya perpekto’ng estudyante… she’s perfect in my eyes. At kahit anong mangyari, I will be here to support and love her till the end!

Happy Birthday Soleil!

VIGAN 2005

2006-07-06T22:19:00.000-07:00

VIGAN 2005... it was a very memorable journey as kristan and soleil had their very first road trip, that started in la union [where they had their first taste of sunbathing and beach swimming, kristan was sooo afraid of what he calls "laki alon" and had an ok time of just staying by the beach front and playing with the sand], the off to ilocos norte then ilocos sur then to tuguegarao.

but the BIGGEST punchline of the trip was the journey home where the entire family spent 1 full day, an entire 24 hours inside the crazy white 4x4... if you could only see the sleepy eyes of kristan and soleil and their soooo dirty clothes... oh what the heck, they won't remember the dirt, i'm sure they will remember the time well spent
with mom and dad :)

2005-06-19T08:32:00.000-07:00

wake up si tantan... smile kahit antok...

LIFE LESSONS FROM LI'L SOLEIL

2005-01-22T05:46:00.000-08:00

Soleil is my 4 year old daughter…. She’s in kinder a right now. And I’m a bit surprised that for the past 7 months In kindergarten, she and her class were constantly given a battery of tests… a few days ago, they had their 3rd quarterly exams. EXAMS??? For a 4-year old girl? Well… that’s how advanced our educational system now. But this is not this blog’s topic ok?

After reading numerous self help books, a few days ago I learned through Soleil the real meaning of “don’t sweat the small stuffs” principle.

She had to take 4 different tests in 4 consecutive days. Exams started Thursday and ended on Tuesday. Being the doting mom that I am, I racked my brains in making reviewer for her. I didn’t stop reviewing her until she got all the answers right. And yeah… I will admit, I even came to a point that I scolded and shouted at her when she failed to answer my questions right. Yes, I also admit, its unfair… but to my mind, she HAS to learn. “the end justifies the mean”… and yes again, I was MEAN to her… [excuse the pun if you may]

Day 1 of the exam, she didn’t bring home a star. A star medal is given to students who get perfect score. In the first quarter exams, she got 2 star medals. In the second quarter exams, she didn’t get any medal. I was pressured now… [subconsciously, my mind was saying, “saying the 30,000 tuition fee going down the drain!!!]

Day 2 of the exam, still no star. I bombarded her with information during the weekend, but still Monday exam number 3, still no star. Until finally, Monday evening, I went nuts. She had this terrible temper and didn’t want to study. I was exhausted, and in exasperation, I surrendered. We stopped reviewing. I told myself, its FUTILE. So Tuesday afternoon, I went to work, while Soleil took her last exam. When I called home to check on the kids, the yaya happily informed me that Soleil got the elusive star medal. I was SHOCKED. I even told Soleil…. “nangopya ka ano!” which is quite unfair to the child. But after the initial shock, a VERY BIG SMILE registered on my lips. The reason being… I got what I wanted. But later on, I realized something….

It takes a 4 year old girl to teach me life’s little lesson… there are things in life that are destined to happen. And it happens for a purpose… there are things in life that you work real hard to achieve, but if its not meant to be, you won’t get it. I’m not being fatalistic here. But to my mind... Its not as if it’s the end of the world when you don’t get what you aspire for… but maybe… God has some wonderful things reserved for you. Better than the goal you’ve been aiming. The experience with Soleil also taught me to focus on the more essential part of life… that is the joy of being able to teach a 4 year old girl and really enjoying the experience; the connection and relationship we are developing beucase I become her second teacher; those are the important things that I should remember… not the grades, not the star medals… coz sometimes, when you focus on things like “star medals”, money, popularity and the likes, you missed out on the lessons of life’s journey, and you missed out on the simple joys that each day brings.

For that… thanks a lot Soleil!
For that… you deserve a big big STAR and lots of kisses!

THE RIGHT TO WRITE

2005-01-21T05:47:00.000-08:00

Its really, really frustrating, when all you want is write… either writing for a living or writing for creative fulfillment… but some negative forces are blocking your path to writing, pulling you down, demoralizing you to the max, depleting your energy and creative juices….

Writing as a work… is a real joy, sobrang fulfilling na ang isang blankong papel o word document ay napupuno ng mga letra at kapag ang mga ito ay na-translate into visuals o isang produkto on TV, whether super ganda o okey lang… fulfilling talaga.

Especially, kung ang gusto mo lang naman talaga ay magsulat! Secondary ang kumita.

Pero sa mundong ginagalawan ko… even if labingdalawang taon ko na itong ginagawa, hindi pa rin maabot ng utak ko kung bakit:

kailangan ko pang chumika, makisama, sumipsip, mag-kiss ass sa mga taong hindi ko type maka-chikahan. Hindi ba puede, pure working relationship na lang. Magsusulat ako, at bigyang buhay niya ang sinulat ko. Tapos!
Ginagawa ko ang trabaho ko ng buong husay, tumutulong sa lahat ng tao, pinipilit huwag pumalpak… pero isang maliit na pagkakamali, kailangang palakihin at gawing isyu. Lalo na’t ang dahilan ng pagkakamali ay hindi naman ako. Victim!

Can’t anybody understand, I may look normal, I may look plain, but I’m a true blue artist. And I expect people to respect this. I don’t thrive in an environment filled with anger, cruelty, back-biting… I don’t deserve to be demoralized by people who can’t cope with my eccentricies?

Los Baños

2004-12-30T09:31:00.000-08:00

SUGARFREE SINGS...

Take me back to my home
To a place where I belong
Times have change so have I
Now I long to come back home
Coz I’ve seen a million faces
I’ve been lost to many places
I laughed and I cried
I lived and I died
And its always you
I ran home to
Won’t you take me back
Take me home away from here
Back to where
I am free
When I’m tired of the noise
I go back to the age of toys
Wearing my best
In my past history
All my thoughts were once free
Coz I’ve seen a million faces
I’ve been lost to many places
I laughed and I cried
I lived and I died
And its always you
I ran home to
Won’t you take me back
Take me home away from here
Back to where
I am free
Only you I ran home to
Won’t you take me back
Take me home away from here
Back to where
I am free

“home is where my heart is
content and happy… where my
talents are appreciated…
where I am allowed to think,
dream, fly, grow and achieve
without being judged negatively…
where I am surrounded by
TRUE friends, LOVED ONES…
where I can enjoy the beauty
of sunrise and sunset
with songs that have touched
my soul running in my head…

ANOTHER YEAR, YAIKS.... I'M GETTING OLD!

2004-12-09T05:43:00.000-08:00

It’s my ???TH birthday. Hey, don’t react… I have to right to hide my real age because this is my blog after all. Okay, okay… masasabi ko lang na I'm getting older and wiser kung ma-accept ko that another year has been added to my age. Okay… I’m 35 years old!

I’m aging, I Know…. Physical Signs? I still love to go out on gimmicks, but now I have to come home before 2am, or the wrinkles will start appearing on my face. I’m still a mall rat, but every 3 hours of solid walking and window shopping, I need to stop! If not, my back will start to ache and I won’t be able to enjoy my life’s little pleasure. Hmp!!! Eversince I gave birth... nagkaron na ako ng teribleng back ache everytime napapagod ako! I’m starting to admit that I’m totally hypochondriac, and I jump into every opportunity of a medical checkup. If I make “puyat” I have to “make bawi” instantly the next day, if not… can’t funcion well…

Psychological signs? Can’t stand loud music if its not from my era. I puke when I see the outrageous fashion statement of the teeners. I’d rather not go out of the house kung papasuoting mo ako ng mga sequined brooches.
I’d rather save than shop. And take every precious opportunity to bond with my kids. Time flies… and I’m sooooo afraid if I don’t watch closely, they’ll reach the marrying age and I will be caught unaware.

But despite my age… there are still childhood and childish things that I can’t let go. My fascination with computer games. The fulfillment of eating ice cream and popcorn. Feeling “kilig” when I see my latest cush. [of course I do still have crushes. It’ll be the end of the world if I stop feeling this silly feeling] Occassional Girly chika and chismis. Obssession with pictures and souvenirs. Getting teary eyed over a love song. Still learning to play the guitar and getting callouses. Travelling. Discovering new friends. Immersion in books. Collecting sun figures. Learning and re-telling green jokes. Naloloka at nagmimistulang fan ng mga paborito kong banda. Call it crazy… but these things made my 35 years in this planet worth living!

IMELDIFIC TENDENCY AND KA-KURIPUTAN, JIVE BA???

2004-11-22T07:19:00.000-08:00

Nung isang gabi…. I asked my hubby kung ano yung discovery niya sa akin na talagang tumatak sa isip niya. At naloka ako sa sagot… “yung pagiging super at OA na pagka-kuripot mo!” Na-realize ko, oo nga, super kurips nga ako. Kapag sobra na sa tensyon o problemado ako, I always go to the mall, not to buy, but to go window shopping, at para pagurin ang sarili ko sa kakalakad, which is really ironically therapeutic for me.

Pero oo, OA nga ang pagka-kuripot ko. I’m not an impulsive buyer. When I see something exciting na gusto kong bilhin, siguro mga 4 to 5 times ko yun babalik-balikan sa mall… comtemplating if its really worth buying. If that particular thing would fall in the category of “need” kasi baka naman “want” lang. And ending… 95% of the time, hindi ko yun bibilhin.

Lately, I realized something… tuwing pupunta ako sa mall, I go straight to the shoe section. I’m not Imeldific naman, but I have this strong passion for shoes. Nung na-realize ko ito nung isang gabi… bigla kong in-inspect yung shoe cabinet at oo nga… ang dami ko na ngang sapatos!

Yung paraan ko ng pagbili ng sapatos… ay maihahambing sa mga taong nag-daan, dumadaan at maaaring dadaan pa lang sa buhay ko…

1] black fashionista boots – na di ko pa nasusuot hanggang ngayon, because when I tried it in the mall, it fitted perfectly. I felt so happy wearing it. Pero nung umuwi na ako at in-attempt kong isuot sa isang gimik, I realized na hindi ko pala kayang isuot ang boots na ito ng more than 30 minutes, ang SAKIT sa paa. Kaya hanggang ngayon, inaamag na siya sa lalagyan. Just like the people, na sa unang tingin, parang ang sarap maging kaibigan, ka-gimikan… akala mo totoo sa iyo but in the long run, lalabas din ang ugali. Plastic pala. Ang dami ng ganitong klaseng tao na dumating sa buhay ko, dahil sa industriyang ginagalawan ko. Para sila’ng boots ko, maganda lang sa tingin, nakakahinayang yung effort, energy at oras na ibinigay ko sa kanila.

2] 4thousand-peso white diesel sneakers – na hanggang ngayon ay binabalik balikan ko pero di ko pa rin mabili-bili! Ang sakit sa bulsa! Para’ng instead of buying it, I’ll buy na lang a digicam or mp3 player. Parang mas practical, mas logical. Sa pagkakataong ito, para naman itong mga naging ka-relasyon. Di makalimutan, binabalik-balikan, pero ayaw aminin na may feelings… pilit idinideny, kasi feeling ko, too good to be true. Ang tanong… may tao nga bang too good to be true? Eh lahat naman ng tao may imperfections. Pero paano mo malalaman ang mga imperfections, na baka in the end imperfection na mamahalin mo pa nga… kundi mo I-immerse yung sarili mo sa taong ito. Para itong sneakers ko… sa pagpapaka-tumpik tumpik ko… baka pag binalikan ko wala na. Nabiktima na ako minsan ng ganitong sitwasyon… kakapa-tweetums… nawala! Sana lang matuto na ako sa sneaker-experience na ito. Pag may ginusto akong kaibiganin ngayon… I’ll be a go getter… life is short di ba?

3] red beaded flats – binili ko kasi cool. Tapos tinambak ko sa cabinet. Kinalimutan. Until one day, I had to wear this cool red pants. At bigla kong naisip, parang bagay yung red flats ko! And voila! Nag-match! Tuwang tuwa ako. Tulad din ito ng mga taong akala mo walang silbi sa iyo. Madalas, at guilty ako dito… ikinakahon ko sila at tinatawag na “walang gaanong silbi” sa buhay ko. Pero isang araw, bubulagain ka na lang dahil kailangan mo pa rin sila. Moral of the story: huwag I-categorize ang mga tao at kaibigan… hindi naman sila materyal na bagay. Bawat tao, mababa o mataas ang posisyon, mayaman o mahirap, matalino o average man… may worth!

4] my ever trusted LA Gear – eto naman yung sneakers na ang dami na naming pinagsamahan. Suot ko siya in almost all my gimiks. Dependable. Hindi mahirap I-maintain. Yun nga lang, nung isang araw na sinipat ko… its beginning to deteriorate. Eh pano naman 5 years na ito. If the sneakers could speak, baka tinalakan na niya ako. Ganito rin ang mga mahal sa buhay at friends na laging andiyan, ever dependable, lagging “nagagamit”. Hahayaan ko ba’ng maging LA Gear sneakers ko sila… niratsada sa gamit hangang sa bumigay. Di ba pag mayroong importanteng tao sa buhay, dapat inaalagaan, hindi dinededma, hindi dapat I-take advantage. This is life’s biggest lesson na tina-try ko pa rin hanggang ngayon panindigan…

THANKS.... FOR THE LESSONS IN WRITING... AND LIFE!

2004-11-19T21:56:00.000-08:00

Everytime I talk to people, to friends, and they ask me… “hey, what kind of work do you do?” Ang sagot ko, I’m a TV writer. And they all scream… “wow! Eh di ang dami mo ng nakikitang arista?” My reply would always be… [to my mind… DUH????] well….

Looking back, ang dami ko na ngang celebrities and non-celebrities but equally popular people na nakatrabaho sa industriyang ito. Yung iba sa kanila, parang bula, pagkatapos makatrabaho nawala na lang bigla… yung iba, parang isang boring na pelikula… nakatrabaho mo man, wala ni katiting na impact. Pero there are people that I had the pleasure of working with… na hanggang ngayon, hindi ko makalimutan kasi they have touched my life… they have imparted some learnings, kahit hindi nila alam o hindi nila sinadya… at ito ang listahan ng mga importanteng tao na yon…

1] APO – first hosts that I worked with. Fresh from college, I subjected myself to their brand of humor. Malalalim na tao. Mapag-isip. Hindi lang script ang pinakikialaman. Pati personal na buhay mo. Kaya pakiramdam ko, importante ako sa kanila. I fell in love with their show, so ang ending, nag-quit ako. Sobrang creative na mga tao, na kailangan pantayan ko rin ng creativity ng script ko.

2] MARTIN – may mga hosts na naka-depende sa writers lahat ng lumalabas sa bibig. Pero si Martin, sobrang independent. Minsan naiisip ko, do I still have a function in his show. He’s a tv host cum writer. He can actually survive without a writer, he’s that GOOD. But the good thing is, he doesn’t make you feel inferior, hindi niya ipaparamdam sa iyo na magaling siya at wala kang silbi. He will work harmoniously with you, at hindi siya selfish magbigay ng praises. Miss ko na magsulat para sa kanya.

3] AMBIE and DIREK POGS – at one point in my writing career, I considered working for an independent tv company. Mas maliit, pero sa pagkakataong ito ko naramdaman na puede naman palang magtrabaho ng hindi nagtatarayan o nagsisigawan. Mas relax ang atmosphere, mas nagiging creative ang pag-iisip ko. This is what I felt when I was working with Ambie and Direk Pogs in their production companies. No pressure… hindi kailangang magka-pimples at mag-nervous breakdown sa tensiyon… mas okey ang output sa trabaho. And the works I did with them, have something in common… parehong pambata, which I discovered is my forte. I love kids!

4] DIREK LAUREN – Had the chance to work with him during ATBP days. And I have to admit, naterrorize ako sa kanya. Tingin ko sa kanya noon, terror director, na kahit kinabukasan na ang taping, ipapa-overhaul ang buong script. After 6 years of not working together, naka-trabaho ko ulit siya at nagulat ako. Ang laki na ng ipinagbago niya. At admittedly, kapag umiinit ang ulo ko ngayon, iniisip ko siya. Kasi, super sensitive siyang tao. Kahit andun na siya sa itaas, director na siya… iniisip pa rin niya ang kapakanan ng maliliit niyang katrabaho. He said, directing has taught him to be sensitive, at yun ang unti-unti kong pinag-aaralan. Sa pagta-travel namin sa iba’t ibang parte ng pilipinas, never ko siyang naringgan ng negative comments o reklamo. Lahat ng bagay, positive ang tingin niya. Tama nga naman… why waste your energy on negative things?

5] MATES – may mga kakilala ka na kapag hindi mo na katrabaho nakakalimutan mo. With Mates, its different. Para kaming kambal, magkadugtong ang bituka na hindi na yata puedeng paghiwalayin. Our friendship survived years of working and not working together. Saan kami papunta ngayon… di namin alam pareho. Basta ang alam ko, sanrekwang detours man ang pagdaanan… magkikita tayo dun sa dulo di ba mare?

6] LUIS - ewan ko… but I liked his sense of truthfulness. Kapag inis, inis! Kapag malambing, malambing. Walang itinatago, what you see is what you get. Na-appreciate ko working with him kasi “koboy”. Kahit maputikan, mainitan, mapuyat never nag-reklamo. And I am really amazed by his sense of commitment. Never nale-late. Para siyang red bull sa akin. Kapag low batt na ako during tapings, isang linya lang from him, nagigising na ako. I’m just wondering, nalo-low batt din kaya siya?

7] TITA AGNES – palaban, matapang, matalino…. Nanay ko sa pagsusulat ng mahahabang scripts. Kahit hindi ako naniniwala na kaya kong magsulat ng teleplay, siya naniwala. One of the most tragic experiences ko sa pagiging writer, kasangkot siya. But I never took it against her. I’m amazed by her principles. Kaya niya ipaglaban basta alam niyang tama siya. Sana ako rin…

8] TITO BOY - isa sa pinakamabait at cool na hosts na nakatrabaho ko. walang reklamo, walang arte sa katawan. Down to eartn, ang sarap kasama. Makuwento at totoong tao. Kung puede ko lang siya gawan ng libro ng kanyang mga escapades, kung papayag siya, ang saya siguro. May pagmamahal sa kapwa at sa katrabaho. Matalino... ang swerte ko na siya ang host ko.

JOYRIDE

2004-11-07T02:41:00.000-08:00

Writing for me, is a joyride. Para bang komportable ka sa pagkaka-upo,hawak ang manibela, kahit wala ka'ng ideya kung san ka puputa, okey lang. The thrill comes from the fact that you believe, that somewhere along the journey, you’ll learn something, you’ll encounter someone that will affect you in positive ways, and at the end of the road, there’ll be surprises awaiting you. Ganito ko tinitingnan ang pagsusulat mula nung ako’y mag-umpisa.

I was a fresh grad from UST when I eventually took a plunge in this so-called tv writing. Nagsimula ako as a production assistant, but to my mind and heart, alam kong hindi ako magiging technical person, isa talaga ako’ng writer, at ang pagiging production assistant… was just a stepping stone to have a writing career.

My writing journey wasn’t easy. Along the way, I met some cruel and monstrous personalities who affected me in some negative ways. Somewhere along the way, I almost quitted because of them. May isang linya akong hindi makalimutan, na hanggang ngayon naririnig ko pa ring sinasabi sa akin…

“love your work. Huwag tingnan na raket. If you love it, chances are, you’ll be more productive… and you won’t feel na trabaho, it would be fun!”

After 12 long years of writing, without any single leave of absence or rest for the entire 12 years… I learned that this "loving your work thing" --- is a piece of shit! Why? Let me explain…

I tried loving my first writing job. To the point, that I was willing to forego the luxury of sleeping... and resting, working 24/7, earning a measly 400 pesos a month. To me, at that time, talent fee doesn’t matter. The fact is, I am happy and fulfilled by what I am doing. But after exhausting myself physically, the mind and the spirit followed. There were things that people asked me to do, that by principle, I didn’t agree wholeheartedly. There were instances that my work… my li’l baby… was lambasted and was scrutinized. Literally, winawagayway sa mukha ko ang script ko na parang isang basura.... ang sakit, promise!

As a writer, sensitive ako’ng tao, lalo na sa pinag-isipang script ko. Puede mo naman itong laitin basta objective ka lang, hindi naman dapat maging personal.

Dito nagsimula ang pagtingin ko sa mga isinusulat ko bilang isang “raket”. It wasn’t my choice, I have to… para tumagal ako sa industriyang ito. Kung hindi ko isasara ang senses ko sa mga okray at panlalait, matagal na akong wala dito. Hindi ako tatagal ng 12 years. Funny thing is… this is my exact dilemna as of the moment. In-love akong kasalukuyan sa isa'ng script na isinusulat ko....at alam ko na dapat kong pigilan ang sarili ko, coz I would soon feel the pain, the burnout. I would again be extra sensitive to criticisms. I can’t let myself falling into this kind of trap again. The solution? Consider this particular work as raket, no more no less!

Is this right? Or wrong? I have no idea… all I know its convenient, for now….