JOYRIDE

Writing for me, is a joyride. Para bang komportable ka sa pagkaka-upo,hawak ang manibela, kahit wala ka'ng ideya kung san ka puputa, okey lang. The thrill comes from the fact that you believe, that somewhere along the journey, you’ll learn something, you’ll encounter someone that will affect you in positive ways, and at the end of the road, there’ll be surprises awaiting you. Ganito ko tinitingnan ang pagsusulat mula nung ako’y mag-umpisa.

I was a fresh grad from UST when I eventually took a plunge in this so-called tv writing. Nagsimula ako as a production assistant, but to my mind and heart, alam kong hindi ako magiging technical person, isa talaga ako’ng writer, at ang pagiging production assistant… was just a stepping stone to have a writing career.

My writing journey wasn’t easy. Along the way, I met some cruel and monstrous personalities who affected me in some negative ways. Somewhere along the way, I almost quitted because of them. May isang linya akong hindi makalimutan, na hanggang ngayon naririnig ko pa ring sinasabi sa akin…

“love your work. Huwag tingnan na raket. If you love it, chances are, you’ll be more productive… and you won’t feel na trabaho, it would be fun!”

After 12 long years of writing, without any single leave of absence or rest for the entire 12 years… I learned that this "loving your work thing" --- is a piece of shit! Why? Let me explain…

I tried loving my first writing job. To the point, that I was willing to forego the luxury of sleeping... and resting, working 24/7, earning a measly 400 pesos a month. To me, at that time, talent fee doesn’t matter. The fact is, I am happy and fulfilled by what I am doing. But after exhausting myself physically, the mind and the spirit followed. There were things that people asked me to do, that by principle, I didn’t agree wholeheartedly. There were instances that my work… my li’l baby… was lambasted and was scrutinized. Literally, winawagayway sa mukha ko ang script ko na parang isang basura.... ang sakit, promise!

As a writer, sensitive ako’ng tao, lalo na sa pinag-isipang script ko. Puede mo naman itong laitin basta objective ka lang, hindi naman dapat maging personal.

Dito nagsimula ang pagtingin ko sa mga isinusulat ko bilang isang “raket”. It wasn’t my choice, I have to… para tumagal ako sa industriyang ito. Kung hindi ko isasara ang senses ko sa mga okray at panlalait, matagal na akong wala dito. Hindi ako tatagal ng 12 years. Funny thing is… this is my exact dilemna as of the moment. In-love akong kasalukuyan sa isa'ng script na isinusulat ko....at alam ko na dapat kong pigilan ang sarili ko, coz I would soon feel the pain, the burnout. I would again be extra sensitive to criticisms. I can’t let myself falling into this kind of trap again. The solution? Consider this particular work as raket, no more no less!

Is this right? Or wrong? I have no idea… all I know its convenient, for now….